The Politics of Forgiveness

Many folks thought the battle for the  presidential nomination would be done and over by this time.  But the results from South Carolina mean that things are still far from settled.  There has been much talk over the past week about the allegations made by the ex-wife of one of the candidates.  The allegations have made choices more complicated for some folks.  The candidate says he has confessed his wrongdoing and asked for forgiveness, that he has changed his ways. 
I have no way of knowing whether or not what he or she says is true.  Nor is it my task to ascertain the veracity of such claims.  But as a preacher it is my job to clarify theological terminology.  And words don't get much more theological than the word "forgiveness."  So, in the interest of advancing thoughtful discourse, let me offer up my take on this rather important term.

First, it is essential that one remembers that forgiveness doesn't mean saying, "What happened was OK."  In fact, true forgiveness involves radical honesty.  It may mean saying, "What I did was very, very wrong.  it hurt others deeply.  It was inexcusable."  For, you see, if something can be excused, if something can be explained away, it doesn't need to be forgiven.  Forgiving and excusing are two different things!

Second, forgiveness does not necessarily involve forgetting.  For instance, an abused spouse can let go of her right to hit back, she can forgive her abuser by forgoing revenge, but that doesn't mean she needs to forget it happened!  Indeed, she is wise to remember it, and take necessary precautions to ensure it won't happen again.  For forgiveness doesn't side step the truth rather, it acknowledges the wrong.  It means saying, "I won't try to get even with you, I won't exact revenge.  I will let go of hatred."  But there still may be legal consequences that have to play themselves out.  There may be relational consequences that become necessary.  You can forgive someone, yet no longer be their best friend.  As author Anne LaMott writes:  "[Forgiveness] means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back.  It doesn't necessarily mean you want to have lunch with the person."

In truth, forgiveness is really a matter of deciding whether one wants to live a life of love or a life of bitterness and hatred.  When you fail to forgive, the person you hurt the most is yourself.  "If you keep hitting back, LaMott says, "you stay trapped in the nightmare."  But if you forgive you discover a new freedom.  You replace the seemingly endless cycle of violence and hatred with a cycle of forgiveness, understanding and love.

In the end, then, forgiveness is about making a choice. So too is voting.  But let's not get the two confused!

(Note:  The quotations from Anne LaMott are taken from her excellent book of essays titled Plan B:  Further Thoughts on Faith.)