The Importance of Words: "N" and Others

One of the modern parenting techniques that I really like involves encouraging a child to verbalize their feelings.  "Instead of stomping your feet, or hitting someone, or sulking in a corner," a parent will say to a child who is upset, "use your words".  We sometimes forget, in this day and age of mass media and information overload, just how powerful words can be.  They can help convey emotions, they can heal broken relationships, they can encourage those who are downcast.  Words can do far more than simply inform.

Two current events remind us of that reality.  The first involves the southern chef Paula Deen.  It was revealed that she had used the so-called "n-word."  It is such a potent racial slur that it is most often spoken of using that shorthand.  The N-word.  It is just a word.  Yet it is a word that carries within it a whole history of meaning.  Clearly, sticks and stones aren't the only things that can hurt!

The second current event are the pending decisions of the Supreme Court relative to California's Proposition 8, that bans same-sex marriage, and DOMA, the federal law that defines marriage as being between one man and one woman.  The word in question, of course, is "marriage."  It's importance is being acknowledged on both sides of the issue.  Those who are opposed to same sex marriages say that the definition of the word marriage shouldn't be changed to meet current mores, that it has long meant one man and one woman.  I have heard some folks even say, "I"m all for giving gays and lesbians equal rights, and allowing them to be in legally recognized relationships, just don't call it marriage." 

On the other side of the issue, the proponents of same sex marriage say no other word will do.  Calling such relationships "unions" or "domestic partnerships" just doesn't carry the same weight, the same meaning.

Clearly, there is much at stake in the whole debate, but in many ways it does come down to defining a word.  The M-word.  It is just a word.  Yet it is a word that carries within it a whole history of meaning.

As I write these words the Paula Deen situation is far from resolved.  And the use of racial slurs is nowhere close to being a thing of the past.  The Supreme Court has yet to hand down it's decisions on Prop 8 and DOMA.   And the debate over the meaning of marriage has, in many ways, just begun.  But what is very clear from both of these situations is that words are powerful.  They can hurt, they can heal.  They can hinder, they can enable. 

Yes, use your words--but use them with care!